Muscatine

More...

The last one is my favorite.

15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon to be 'What Is

Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.



16. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of

several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.



17. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be

recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.



18. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased

person you want remembered..



19. Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy

lunch.



20. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super

entertainment

and gracious hostility.



21. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to

follow.



22. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.

They

may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.



23. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park

across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.



24. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All

ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is

done.



25. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation

would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next

Sunday.



26. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM.

Please use the back door.



27. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the

Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend

this tragedy.



28. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian

Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.



29. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing

campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.'

Another one...

You Don't Have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One! You don't even have
to like 'em!

We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party. We
turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on, covered our
pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived
and we opened the front door to leave the house.

The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't
want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the
bird.

My wife goes out to the taxi, while I went inside to get the cat. The
cat runs upstairs, with me in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, my wife
doesn't want the driver to know that the house will be empty for the
night. So, she explains to the taxi driver that I will be out soon,
''He's just going upstairs to say Goodbye to my mother.''

A few minutes later, I get into the cab. ''Sorry I took so long,'' I
said, as we drove away. ''That stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. I
had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried
to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck. Then, I had to wrap her in a
blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked! I hauled her fat
ass downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!''

The cab driver hit a parked car

Just one more...

*TWENTY DOLLARS*

*On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new *

*husband and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter. *

*In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed. This *

*scenario was repeated each time they made love **for more than 30 years, *

*with him thinking **that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes *

*and other incidentals that she needed.*



*Arriving home around **noon one day, she was surprised to find *

*her husband in a very drunken state. During the next few *

*minutes, he explained that his employer was going through a *

*process of corporate downsizing, * *and he had been let go. It *

*was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find *

*another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been *

*earning, and therefore, they were financially ruined.*



*Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than *

*thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly *

*$1 million. Then she showed him * *certificates of deposits issued *

*by the bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him *

*that they were one of the largest depositors in the bank. She *

*explained that for the more than three decades she had *

*''charged'' him for sex, these holdings had multiplied, and these *

*were the results of her savings and investments.*



*Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over *

*$3 million, her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, *

*but finally he found his voice and blurted out,* *''If I'd had any *

*idea what you were doing, I would have given you all my business!''*




*That's when she shot him. You know, sometimes, men just *

*don't know when to keep their mouths shut.*

Good ones



Thanks.............


Peace