Hello my fellow Americans. I'd like to share with you a vision I had last night as I lay in slumber. I had dozed off and was in a dream state finding myself at an Obama/Biden rally. I was standing alone minding my own business eating fresh quiche lorraine when these two burly looking thugs dressed in business suits came and stood on each side of me. Both guys were immense in stature and both had transmitters in their ear. I didn't pay it much attention figuring they were part of the Secret Service contingency for President-elect Obama. So I continued eating my quiche. No sooner had I finished the last bite, these two goons each grabbed an arm and in a move which would make the Guards at Arlington feel proud, turned and hustled me away down a darkened corridor to a room that was lit only by a bare bulb hanging from the ceiling.
Shoving me into the room despite my protests I was told to be still that someone very important wanted to have a word with me. Gathering my calm I quit shaking with fear believing President-elect Obama was going to come into the room and offer me a plum cabinet position. As I waited I adjusted my tie as best I could, brushed off the imaginary wrinkles of my suit coat and put my hand to my mouth breathing out to ensure my breath didn't stink of quiche.
As I was reaching down to give my wing tips a quick once over I heard the door open behind me. Snapping to attention I turned around and found myself in utter shock and dismay. Standing before me was bigbrother dressed as John McCain, left side of his face slightly contorted, silver thinning hair, his left arm held up to make it look shorter than the right. "Well, well, well" bigbrother McCain sneered, "an Obamammy supporter huh? We're going to help you see the light and convert you to the dark side." At that moment bigbrother McCain snapped his finger and one of the goons reappeared with a metal folding chair. I ran to the corner and got into a crouch waiting for the first blow. The goon opened up the folding chair placing it under the light and then left the room. "Hey knucklehead take a seat" hissed bigbrother McCain. Fearing any consequence of disobeying I cowered over and took my seat on the chair. "You liberals think you have all the fun don'tcha" sneered bigbrother McCain. "We're here to prove we ultra right wing, neo-conservative, far right, de-regulating, fundamentalist Christians know how to have fun too!"
With that bigbrother McCain clapped his hands twice and what happened next can only be construed as sheer diabolical terror to which no person should be subjected. Upon his clap, darylmaxen appeared dressed as Sarah Palin. Hair up, glasses, hour glass figure, thick roamy hips, tan in the can legs, and stilleto heels carrying a relish tray in one hand which darylSarah handed off immediately to bigbrother McCain and ghetto blaster in the other. darylSarah bent down and pulled a tape from his cleveage popping it into the blaster. Within seconds the strain of Marvin Gaye's Sexual Healing began to emit from the blasters speakers. darylSarah began to undulate under the light to the strain of 'and when I get that feeling I want sexual healing let's make love tonight'
My attempt to slide off the chair was met with "hold on Hoss, you're in for the lap dance of your life. When I'm finished you're going to forget all about Obama and I'm going to be your candidate of choice" cooed darylSarah as he strategically placed his stilleto heeled foot into the middle of my seat and flicked a black olive at me striking me between the eyes. Before I knew what was happening bigbrother McCain is running around the chair hitting me with a floppy pickle screaming above Marvin's din, "I thought I was doing Charles Keating a favor, I'm going to clean up Congress, the surge is working, I'm a war hero darnit"! darylSarah in a fit of ecstacy began crying out loud "I can see Russia from my front porch, I'm a hockey mom, I'm a hockey mom, Katie Couric is a skank yellow journalist!!!" as he hootchie cooed his face into my lap.
Suddenly, what I dreamily perceived as a fire alarm going off was only my Obama 2008 alarm clock. Ahhhhh, once more I had been rescued by the Democrats from the evil handlers of the Republican party. Life is sure to be sweet as Obama and Joe sweep the refuse from the White House come January.
