Muscatine

A Seasoned Citizen's Prayer

Dear Lord, now that I have made it this far, I want you to know I appreciate it. However, if I may I do have a few requests. It's not that I am greedy mind you, its' just that I have a strong desire to keep my dignity.

Lord, if wandering a beach with a metal detector is in my future, please don't make me wear wing tipped shoes and knee length dress socks.

When I am hungry please make it a few hours after 4:30, even if I miss the early bird special. Lord, if I am destined to use coupons at my meals may they be for food I actually want to eat.

If I attend a wedding, or other gathering help me avoid bringing along a plastic bag to take home leftovers.

And, Lord, help me to remember that my waist is not two inches below my arm pits.

Now that I am on a fixed income would it be too much to ask that a few of my expenses also remain fixed.

On my next vacation, please don't let me be the youngest person on the tour.

If you forget who I am, Lord just ask, I really don't want to wear a badge reading, "Hello, my name is..."

If I dine in a fast food restaurant, please give me the strength to avoid helping myself to a few dozen packets of salt, pepper and catsup.

Lord, may I never be eligible to park in a disabled spot (but look the other way if I do anyway).

May the car I drive not be so big I cannot see over the steering wheel, and when I do drive, keep me at the speed limit.

And finally Lord, when you do decide to pull the rug from under me, please give me advance notice so I do not go down doing something stupid (especially wearing a baseball cap reading CSV 235).

One more thing, ah one more thing, what was it again, oh yes the memory thing.

Amen