This ismy third attempt to do something with this. If it does not post this time, I am giving up.
Trip to Wal-Mart
You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house
mowing the lawn, putting a new fence in, painting the living room,
or whatever. You are hot and sweaty, covered in dirt or paint. You
have your old work clothes on. You know the outfit - shorts with
the hole in crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who knows what,
and an old pair of tennis shoes.
Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you
realize you need to run to Wal-Mart to get something to help complete
the job.
Depending on your age you might do the following:
In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair,
brush your teeth, floss, and put on clean clothes. Check yourself
in the mirror and flex. Add a dab of your favorite cologne because
you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing
in the checkout lane. You went to school with the pretty girl
running the register.
In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change
shoes. You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash
your hands and comb your hair. Check yourself in the mirror.
Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the
smell. The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to
someone you went to school with.
In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a sweatshirt that is long enough to
cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts. Put on different
shoes and a hat. Wash your hands. Your bottle of Brute Cologne
is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to
Wal-Mart. Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than
flexing. The spicy young thing running the register is your
daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.
In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put a hat on, wipe the dirt off your hands
onto your shirt. Change shoes because you don't want to get dirt
in your new sports car. Check yourself in the mirror and you swear
not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat. The
cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you
think you still have it. Then you remember the hat you have on is
from Buddy's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, "I Got Worms."
In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore. Hose the dog
poop off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in
your 50's. You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out
the hole in you pants. The girl running the register may be cute,
but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.
In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Wal-Mart until they have
your prescriptions ready, too. Don't even notice the dog poop on
your shoes. The young thing at the register smiles at you because
you remind her of her grandfather.
In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again. Now you
remember you needed to go to Wal-Mart. Go to Wal-Mart and wander
around trying to think what it is you are looking for. Fart out
loud and you think someone called out your name. You went to
school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.
