One For The Ladies

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

The young-at-heart man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As men will.)

Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00...on one condition."

Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed a $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes, and slowly and meaningfully said:

"Paint my house."

the Parrot

A man gets to his plane seat and is surprised to find a parrot strapped into the seat next to him.

Once in the air, the stewardess comes around and the man asks her for a
coffee, whereupon the parrot squawks, 'Bring me a whiskey, bitch.'

The stewardess, somewhat flustered, brings a whiskey to the parrot, but
forgets the coffee. When the man points this out to her, the parrot
immediately drains its glass and yells, 'Get me another whiskey, bitch.'
Quite upset, the stewardess returns shortly with a whiskey for the parrot,
but still no coffee for the man.

Unaccustomed to such slackness, the man decides to try the parrot's
approach. 'I've asked you twice for a coffee, bitch, now go and get it for me.'

After a couple of moments, two burly stewards arrive, grab both the man and the
parrot, take them to the emergency exit and toss them both out of the airplane.

As they're falling toward the ground, the parrot turns to the man and says,
'You know, for someone who can't fly, you're kind of a mouthy bastard.'

Very good Nedl.